The perfect marriage recipe: can you cook it up?

Marriages are made in heaven. Yeah, right. There are beautiful people all around playing angelic music on their harps while God presides benevolently over the proceedings. Everything is perfect and the couple are divinely happy - always, indefinitely. 

Well, that is heaven. Now, down on earth, specifically in India, such a perfect marriage is somewhere on the distant horizon (if at all). First comes all the band-baaja. No, I am not referring to the baraat, but to all the hectic activities that precede the marriage itself. Where does it start? Let's see...

At the very beginning is the query "When are you going to settle down?" In India, this is a standard query asked to a girl the minute she has become eligible age-wise for marriage. It is a standard query asked even when the girl has started earning & is thus financially settled. Financially settled, though, is not settled in the eyes of sundry relatives because this question is asked by well-meaning relatives who equate settling down with marriage. It is rarely asked of a boy, if at all. If asked, it will be more direct: “When are you going to get married?” and with fewer expectations of the boy getting married in the immediate future.

So let's begin cooking up a perfect marriage dish. We will imagine a scenario of an arranged marriage akin to a recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1 girl
• 1 prospective groom
• 2 sets of parents (assuming parents of both are alive)
• An assorted bunch of relatives
• 1 astrologer (more if required)
• A set of horoscopes (of both girl & boy)

Method: 

1. Take girl & prospective groom in separate bowls and keep aside. 
2. Take one or two relatives as required  from both sides and 2 sets of parents. Mix (arrange meeting) in appropriate bowl (venue). 
3. Check out if girl & boy are compatible (discussion of their character, education, job, etc). 
4. Throw in horoscopes. Take astrologer (either 1 or 2 as per requirement) and thoroughly mix with horoscope. Let stand for a while (astrologer taking time to check horoscopes). 
5. If the mixing results in matching quality (no bad stars), mix parents again (fixing time for girl & boy to meet). 
6. Now put girl and boy together in one bowl (meeting fixed, generally at girl’s house) but remember to put in parents too (parents required to supervise meeting). 
7. Add plenty of garnish (tea and snacks, preferably made by the girl). 
8. If appetizing (girl likes boy & vice versa), serve dessert (box of mithai). 

Voila! Your final dish is ready (marriage arranged).

What about a recipe for a love marriage? For such a dish, only 2 ingredients are required: girl & boy - and, of course, garnished with plenty of saccharine sweetness (love). The other ingredients may or may not be included. For example, without parental consent the 2 get married or irrespective of whether horoscopes are matching they get married.

So which recipe would be the better one or an ideal one? I don’t think you can really fix on one particular one. Both can result in a burned out dish at the end!! 

Ideal recipes apart, there should be less emphasis on looking at the pros and cons of a love vs arranged marriage. It should also never be assumed that because a love marriage has been arranged or an arranged marriage has been successfully created to the satisfaction of both sides that the marriage will be ideal. What is much more important as far as the marriage is concerned is working on the relationship together. 

Sure, there will be thorns as is the case with any relationship – but the flowers could be in greater abundance if there is a give & take in the relationship rather than just give or just take. There should be doses of trust, mutual understanding and the ability to give space to one another. 

All these ingredients could then make for a near perfect recipe and kindle (no prize pun intended) the embers for a long lasting workable relationship.

By now you must be wondering why on earth have I posted this at, of all places, a travel blog. So here's the answer: I am a proud member of Indiblogger & am submitting this post as an entry for the contest on the theme Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage. This is the theme & name of Sony TV's ongoing serial in which Shivani & Mansi each support opposite views but both seek a happy marriage. Catch what's happening in their lives here: http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange